did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
