Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
