we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my shit smells like andre
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
