I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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