Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
