If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
