Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
