I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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