i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
