Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
