Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
