Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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