Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
