Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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