i'm signing you up for texting rehab
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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