U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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