The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
