She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
