You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
