the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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