bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
