I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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