I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
