I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
