they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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