and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
