I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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