I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
