A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
be right there i have to get my cape
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
