I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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