It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
