He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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