i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
