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• (904): View more from Florida

  Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  wtf?

  (904): View more from Florida

  It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'

  Fav 14 4758 1177

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I cherish every text you send me

  Fav 49 6514 1024

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.

  Fav 7 1298 2994

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• (516): View more from New York

  This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me

  Fav 20 2414 4105

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie

  Fav 4 2812 1088

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.

  Fav 9 2007 934

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.

  Fav 20 3049 926

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.

  Fav 7 1563 990

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• (575): View more from New Mexico

  There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.

  Fav 4 1329 743

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.

  (309): View more from Illinois

  You rock my world.

  Fav 4 1211 737

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...

  Fav 3 874 904

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.

  Fav 5 624 376

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.

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• (805): View more from California

  For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.

  Fav 0 66 9

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