What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
