she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We need a shit load of segways right now
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize