Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
