Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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