shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
There r osticjed everywhere
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
