True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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