I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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