Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
