I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
