I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
