watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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