the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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