i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
