Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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