this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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