It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
