There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
