Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
