yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
grandma shit on top of the toilet
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
