foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
