I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
