he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
