Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
