I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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