of course. lets lasso hookers.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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