VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
now i know why i became what i already was.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Sext me about skeletons
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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