i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
