So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
this boner is exhausting
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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