I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
