The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
