shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
