so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
