This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
