this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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