he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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