I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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