I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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