Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
