the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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