Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He felt like a one man threesome
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize