a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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