i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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