My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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