Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
