she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
