Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
