Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The adults are the big ones right?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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