I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
