i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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