I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
