Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize