apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Randomize
