Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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