I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
