There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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