Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
