She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
