Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
