Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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