i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
