yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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