i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
