i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
