After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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