Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
